I am hard working and focused on my work to the point of paranoia…
because only the paranoid survive.
• I am a team player and will occasionally and on purpose
pick my nose, mumble incomprehensibly and swat imaginary bees just
to make others feel good about themselves.
• My personality type is not A, more likely to be closer to
the middle of the alphabet, so my head is normally cool and I rarely
take work related criticism personally.
• I am honest even if most people think that trust is not
relevant when everybody is lying.
• I strive to build both my personal and work life on sound
ethical and moral principles. I loath those people whose concept
of personal growth is an erection.
• I never procrastinate. I never put off till tomorrow what
I can avoid today.
• I am resilient. You know what they say, if there is a will,
I want to be in it.
• I am a staunch optimist and am always upbeat. The only thing
to get me down is gravity.
• I love working for companies that tolerate dissent and are
not afraid of new ideas because as I say “unless you suffer
rebellious souls with gladness, your city will languish under the
claws of poverty and madness”.
• I do no like workplace politics but I can live with it,
thank God I have a good sense of humor.
• I am smart but I do, occasionally, take brakes.
• I am a visionary, adept at turning insane ideas into realities…
for better of for worst. I also think ahead and play all possible
scenarios in my head. I have rarely been caught with my pants down.
• I am well spoken and always strive to keep my mouth free
• I am a good communicator but by no means a master of confrontation
who speaks in verbal jabs, but believe me I will find the words
to let you know if you fu… pollute the team spirit and hamper
success. I also excel at taking the most complex problem and conceptualize
it so that the solution is obvious and easy to understand…
I am known as The Problemator.
• I am considerate to others. I never threaten anyone to kick
him in the groin for interrupting me or call him dumb-ass-son-of-a-bitch
for not doing his work properly and I never tell someone that she
is a complete idiot. I make sure to reassure her that there are
some parts missing.
• I am compassionate with the ignorant and the timid but ruthless
with the lazy and indifferent.
Can’t see any. As they say, men’s faults do seldom to
Agent: Responsible for sending many into guilt trips.
-Trader: Excelled at trading insults with flair
-Real Estate: Designed a system that helped uncover the real state
of realestate: unreal, look at the prices.
-Internet: Came up with the catch phrase "Enter not here I
should evoke, for ye shall most assuredly exit broke".
However, nevertheless and even though I am a proponent of education
by subtraction: the less you learn, the more you know. In any case,
It has been downhill after the Greeks: we are but cavemen with cellphones.
I am computer literate even if I know well that artificial intelligence
is no match for natural stupidity.
• I live on the cutting edge of my industry and I can tell
you, it is sharp and it hurts.
• I can speak many foreign languages… but only when
I am really mad.
• I am a very creative individual and count myself among the
first few humans to discover that Saturdays and Sundays have mornings.
• I thrive in changing environments. Let’s face it,
change is inevitable… except for parking meters and the stupid
vending machine at work.
• I am dependable. It all depends on how much you pay me.
• I excel in what I do and provide the best quality work possible
and once in a while I will call upon your heart to compensate me
• I am a global traveler and voracious reader and despise
anyone whose only culture is bacteria.
• I believe that money does not necessarily bring happiness
but I also realize that a lack of it will stress one out. Surely,
I am very mindful of the bottom line because lets face it, money
talks, even if all mine ever says is goodbye.
• My greatest fear is that my neighborhood bar will quit serving
my favorite Belgian beer.
• I love art and music and have a keen eye for beauty even
if some say that beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• And if you ever wondered, yes, I did learn the meaning of
life… and it happened a few years ago while I was drinking
Aquavit in a sweltering sauna full of naked Finish people. But since
them, some bastard changed it and it doesn’t mean the same
• I am a good cook and practice safe eating. I always use
• I like my coffee strong. You know what they say, coffee,
chocolate and women better when rich.
• I am a moderate drinker. As Ares told Jove -If you dance
with Bacchus too long you'll fall on Uranus.
• I exercise regularly. I am very intent at developing my
abs once I find their whereabouts.
• I am a responsible citizen. I recycle and use renewable
energy when I can. I am sad that our society is designed around
wastefulness and inefficiency and that most people head to the call
to save gas by farting in jars.
• I value human life even when I know that If there was a
cosmic stock market that traded on 'value of human life' shares,
these would probably be listed as junk bonds.
• My favorite sport is golf. It takes a lot of balls to play
golf like I do.
• I am well traveled and lived extensively in several countries
in four continents. On that vein, I am very sad to report that yes,
plumbers, no matter what country, no matter what race, can’t
keep the crack of their ass from showing.
The Bernard Pivot Questionnaire
What is your favorite word? Fantastic
• What is your least favorite word? Absolutely
• What turns you on? The idea that one day I will get my life
together and bask in blissful idiotic happiness.
• What turns you off? Foul smelling odors, and I don’t
care where they come from.
• What sound do you love? The sound of a Ferrari engine cranking
up and I am the one driving.
• What sound do you hate? The sound of a Ferrari engine cranking
up and I am just watching.
• What is your favorite curse word? Mannaggia ... forgive
• What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
International Travel Reporter for the Food Channel.
• What profession would you not like to participate in? A
zoo poop collector. I am not a big fan of wild animals.
• If Heaven exists what would you like to hear God say when
you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Cigar and Cognac party starts at
7 pm, just down the hall at the Paradise Café. You wont miss
it, just look for the neon sign that says Nude Girls.